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User blog:AstroMeow/Thoughts, Feelings, and a Few Apologies
I hav a lot on my mind right now. Of course, I always have a lot on the brain, but most of my thoughts and feelings aren't safe to share on here. But these thoughts are important and determine my leadership of the Scarf Heroes. First of all, I've been pondering my orientation. Everyone I know knows that I consider myself a flamboyant homosexual with a knack for fashion and interior design, but less than half of that is true. I'm not sure if "homosexual" is the proper word to use to describe me. Yes, I AM ''flamboyant, but I've been wavering between a type 5 (predominantly homosexual with some heterosexual tendencies) and a type 6 (exclusively homosexual). As I've said to Isa, I go from "ZOMG BOOBS" to "Hot dayum, that guy is fiiiiine" in a split second. My orientation will from now on be known as "What the hell is this crap?" Secondly, I have been experiencing feelings that, quite frankly, are bizarre to me. I'm harboring impure thoughts about a couple of Scarf Heroes for some time and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do about them. Netiehr one of them (you know who you are) has any interest in me whatsoever. One of them is a bloody tease (she's straight, but she flirts with me almost spitefully) and the other says that I'm a sweetheart but is solely attracted to a fictional character (hmm, I wonder who ''that could be). I have no chance with either one of them unless one of them suddenly turns bi on me, and the dilemma has me at war with myself. Do I keep praying for something to change, or do I accept defeat and move on? I tend to perservere when I'm in a situation like this, but I don't want to have my heart broken again. I have to keep the damn thing on a leash to keep myself from moving too quickly and getting hurt. Decisions, decisions. What's on the forefront of my mind, though, is my desperate need to humble myself and apologize to a few people. I've said and done some things that weren't right, and I need forgiveness and redemption to get the weight of them off my shoulders. First, I need to apologize to Nathan. I'm sorry that I flirted with Phoebe so much when you two were together, and especially for when I did it right in front of you. I know that you're a jealous man and that, at the time, she was taken. I had no right to do what I did, and I am deeply sorry. Second, I need to apologize to Phoebe. It was wrong for me to relentlessly flirt with you while you were with Nathan. I hope I had nothing to do with the breakup, and it still makes me feel really guilty. *tips hat* My sincerest apologies, my dear. Thirdly, I'd like to make amends with Joey. I've said some terrible things to you out of pure anger and spite. I'll probably say more things that I'll hate myself for, but do you think you could forgive me for the ones I've already said and regretted? I'll make it up to you. Fourth, I'd like to apologize to Sheepy. I remember the guilt that I felt after your open disgust with the unnecessarily explicit conversations that had been going on in the chat. I threw gasoline on the already blazing fire and it was tactless of me to do so. You're a wonderful lady and I have no right to make you uncomfortable. Next, Mr. Left. I know I say a lot of negative things about LMR, but I never meant to insult you with said negativity. My feelings toward LMR stem from a handful of the people, not the place. You and your group of other bureaucrats are doing a lovely job of maintaining and developing the community there, and I have to give you guys props for that. Last but never least, I'd like to apologize to ALL OF YOU for not being the best leader I can be. Sometimes I'm an insensitive jerk and I take my bad moods out on the undeserving (Joey can confirm that, if you're curious). A lot of the time, I'm being a sarcastic dick without even realizing it, and that isn't right of me. I guess what I'm trying to say with all of this is that I want to say is that I want to be a more humble, compassionate, transparent, and responsible leader. From now on, I'm not going to be a pompous prick to anyone. I'm no better than certain troublemakers, nor am I superior to anyone. My compassion generally goes to just four or five people who regularly need it, but I'd like for it to be going out to all of you. If anyone needs an objective, caring ear or a shoulder to cry on, I'M HERE. Don't fear me. I may seem like a freak, but Isa, Joey, Joobie, and Phoebe can confirm that, deep down under that rough shell of mine, I'm a sweetheart. I won't bite... unless you want me to. As for responsibility... Joey does almost everything around here, and that's not going to happen anymore. I'm going to ask him for some jobs that I can do to improve the wiki. I'm going to work my butt off for you guys. I'm your leader. It's about time my actions reflected that. Sorry for the long post... But seriously, you guys. You rock my pristinely-white socks. I love you all. ♥ ~ The Fab Queen P.S. I'm switching my pool-chair throne out for a high-quality, designer loveseat so someone can sit next to me on the throne (or on my lap, if you catch my drift). Category:Blog posts